Kitchen Design & Decorating Pet Peeves (Part 1)

While decorating is surely a matter of personal taste, I feel compelled to publicly criticize other people’s kitchen remodels. In anticipation of my upcoming remodel, I have been pouring over kitchen pics and am sorely disappointed by what is out there. Here is a collection of things that get me steamed in the kitchen.

Medieval Inspired Design

Sure, medieval inspired kitchen design is a rarity, but nevertheless, it must top my list of design no-no’s that would send me running from the kitchen and diving into a crocodile infested moat. Even without the King Arthur cabinets, I find kitchens like this much too dark and reminiscent of Michael Jackson’s creepy Neverland kitchen (below). And besides, this kind of design just reveals way more about someone than I want to know.

The Cafe Curtain

Double hung or just a valance, I must advocate against this decorative splash in the kitchen, be it a sober plaid or whimsical cherry print. If shielding your kitchen from the sun is a concern, might I recommend to you a shade? I am a firm believer in the functionality of a kitchen and find these obtrusive window dressings a distraction.

Anything Curved

Be it a span of cabinets, wall or countertop, anything that rounds instead of corners just doesn’t feel right to me. I am willing to make an exception for a round table, as this is a standardized item which does not cause my brain to work too hard. But otherwise, I prefer linear feet.

Mini Brightly Colored Glass Pendant Lights & Can Lighting Overkill

Okay. This is a pretty ubiquitous trend. But still. I hate it. And I feel okay hating it because I know many of you hate ceiling fans and think fluorescent cloud lighting, which I am not against, is gross. These mini pendants just reek of totally 90’s-ness, what to speak of the fact that you might as well just leave the Home Depot sticker on them, since there is little doubt where they were purchased. Can light overkill gives the ceiling a Swiss cheese affect, what to speak of the aging shadows such lighting casts. Ooh, unflattering.

White Subway Tile With White Grout

Many people think white subway tile is Boring (notice the capital ‘b’) and I used to be one of them. But let’s face it, white subway tile is a classic. Neutral, timeless and compatible with just about every design style, I’ve since warmed up to the stuff. And considering you can go expensive or thrifty with it, it’s definitely a backsplash for the masses.
Still, there has got to be a way to vamp it up a bit. White grout, a standby and no brainer, makes for a very monochromatic wall application. However, a light gray grout makes the tile pop, adding definition without overpowering the field. I’m not anti white grout; I just feel light gray is a more interesting option–and more true to the origins of the tile.

Black Appliances

Anyone out there in their 30’s and from Jersey? If so, I don’t have to explain any further about why the black kitchen appliance bothers me. I don’t give a damn what people say about stainless steel. It doesn’t look industrial and cold. It is not a trend that will die hard in the future. And if it costs too much for you, just get white. Black appliances must go. Better yet, they must never be purchased in the first place. “Why?” you non-Jersians ask. Please, continue reading for a pictographic explanation.
Above is the Monte Carlo SS, a very popular car on the road in New Jersey in the late 80’s and early 90’s. Without a doubt, it looks very similar to the refrigerator pictured above. And who drove the Monte Carlo SS?
These guys. And these guys are the only ones who should buy black appliances. ‘Nuff said.

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